This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
