Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
