After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
