Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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