Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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