I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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