i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
