Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
