Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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