how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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