Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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