so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
