Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
