Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
