So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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