I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
