Someone shit on the floor
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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