whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
