weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
