My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
