It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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