3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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