**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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