i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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