well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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