So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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