she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
