It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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