yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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