So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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