Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
3 2 1 whiskey
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
