after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
