Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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