he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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