belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
