yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
