i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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