OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
