I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
