remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!