he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again