he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
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The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box