In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus