Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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