Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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