my sisters under your porch take her home
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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