I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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