I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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