Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
