You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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