I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
