Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
