just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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