Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
