If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
