clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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