My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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