i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
