We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
