Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
