Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
