and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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