i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
