Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
