Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
