Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
