There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
