corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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