i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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