weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
