Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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