Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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